look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
