i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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