Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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