no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
