Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
