After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
