:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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