Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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