I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
