Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
