So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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