Where is the hickey?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i drank out of a bidet.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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