Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
