it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
