this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
