i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
