Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
