fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
