I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
