I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
