Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
