In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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