Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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