Your dad touched me again.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
