so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
