I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
