Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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