i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
