you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
