im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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