He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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