If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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