wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Randomize
