There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
