Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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