this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
