Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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