I think I died a long time ago.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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