Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Non-Jews are for practice
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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