Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
