She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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