oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My ass is underappreciated
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
