listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
