He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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