Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
