jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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