dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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