I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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