you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In other news, I just burned my penis
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
