I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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