I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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