While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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