Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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