She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize