I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
