I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
