Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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