I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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