We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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