I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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