I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
