You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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