i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
