She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
