Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
