I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
