Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
