hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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