you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
