I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I touched a dick in church today
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
