I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
