i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
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I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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