I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
